Tot"ty [tot-ee]- adjective, [OE. Toti. Cf. Totter.] Unsteady; dizzy; tottery.
This site is currently under construction - please bear with me if content is missing from some sections
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About TinyTotty |
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A few years ago, I made a New Year's Resolution to do something to help another living thing (be it human, animal or otherwise) at least once every day.
Little things, like going out of my way to hold doors open for people, or feeding the local ducks, were easy but I wanted to do something more positive.
At the same time, knowing I had some HR experience, a few friends-of-friends started asking for employment advice and I was happy to point them in the right direction.
Then, when I got married, I enjoyed planning my wedding so much that I wanted to help other people with theirs, so I began to offer the benefit of my experience wherever possible - to friends, family and internet forums.
And then it struck me! Why didn't I put all my little 'pearls of wisdom' in one place?! So here it is: my own little fountain (or should I say trickle) of knowledge!
I don't claim to be right about everything but here I present my humble opinions, for you to take or leave at your leisure. I figure if you're desperate enough to look here, you'll try anything and you never know - I might eventually achieve my objective of helping someone every single day!
Should you not find the answer to your problem here, please submit your question via the contact form on the Ask TinyTotty tab and I will do my best to help.
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Career Advice |
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Whether you're having difficulties at work, looking for your next move, or a recent graduate trying to break into your first job, TinyTotty is here to help.
Click one of the tabs above for help and advice.
Having written and reviewed tens of CVs myself, I've come to learn that the most crucial thing is to make it past the all-important First Sift.
So, here are my tips to help your CV stay out of the reject pile and make it on to the desk of someone who may have the power to invite you to interview!
1. Keep it short. This is without doubt the best piece of CV advice I have ever given or received. Even if a standard CV in your home country tends to be 4 or 5 pages long, 2 sides of A4 is the absolute maximum for employers in the UK. Any longer and the recruiter will find themselves skim-reading to save time, or losing concentration by the middle of page 3!
If you have a long career history, give details of the 3 most recent or most relevant jobs or years of your career and just give the company name, job title and years of employment for all the others.
2. Keep it simple. With the possible exception of those looking for work in the creative industries, simple black type on a white background is best because it's clean and easy to read and print out.
If you're intending on putting your CV on the internet, it's also best not to use any fancy layout or formatting. Not all websites / word processing applications translate your CV's format and layout correctly and your CV may end up a jumbled mess, when viewed online or downloaded by a recruiter! Use bold type and/or upper case to denote section headings, rather than using italic or underline and try to avoid using bulleted lists or the tab key. If you want bullet points, create them manually, using the " - " key and use the space bar to create blank white spaces. If in doubt, try saving your CV in Rich Text Format (.rtf), re-open the file and check how your CV is displayed.
As well as avoiding any unnecessary flourishes on the formatting front, the same goes for your CV's content. Don’t make jokes, add flippant comments or give any more detail than necessary. Not only does it waste space, but it may give a potential employer reason to discard your CV!
3. Make it relevant. When applying for a job, always tailor your CV to make the most of your relevant experience. Read the job description thoroughly and underline the required/desired skills, experience and qualifications that match your own and make sure you mention all of them in your CV.
However, rather than regurgitating the job description word-for-word in your Personal Summary or Key Skills sections, give examples of when you've used each of the attributes in your recent roles and explain how you achieved a positive result (see below). Remember, though, never ever be tempted to lie on your CV! You must be prepared to talk about anything and everything on your CV at an interview.
4. SPAR! No, I'm not talking about fencing or your local shop. It’s an acronym for:
State the
Problem you were given, the
Action you took and the
Result you achieved.
It's the best format in which to describe your previous roles and achievements. There’s no real value in stating you have “good communication skills” if you don’t back it up with evidence. It's far better to give a real-life example of a situation in which you used your skills, experience and knowledge to achieve a positive result. If possible, give a tangible or quantifiable, rather than a subjective, result i.e. "reduced customer wait times by x%" vs. "dramatically reduced customer wait times".
5. Don't leave chronological gaps! They always look suspicious and will put a potential employer off. If you took a career break, or went travelling, say so - there's no shame in it! The recruiter will always ask you to explain any gaps in your history at your 1st interview anyway and it's much better to be open and honest than act like you've got something to hide!
If you're really stuck, try using my as a starting point.
If you need help making a start on your CV, here's TinyTotty's CV template. For general CV hints and tips, see my page
[YOUR NAME]
[Your email address]
[Your mobile number]
To protect your identity, especially if you intend putting your CV online, you should never give anything more than your name, email address and mobile number. Never give your geographical address, home telephone number, date of birth or marital status. There's no need to give your date of birth or marital status anyway, as neither are relevant and it's illegal for employers to discriminate on grounds of age, gender or sexual orientation; so why give them the opportunity?!
PERSONAL SUMMARY / KEY SKILLS
[1-2 sentences stating your role or area of expertise, years' experience, relevant qualifications / accreditations or areas of knowledge / speciality and possibly the type of role for which you are looking]
If you’re putting your CV online, it’s worth including relevant keywords here because they will help you appear in recruiters’ search results. However, whilst a string of keywords will almost certainly have the desired effect, it won't look that impressive, so incorporate them in a sentence. E.g. "French-speaking Project Manager with 5 years' project management experience, Prince 2 accreditation and knowledge of Agile methodology." or "CIPD qualified HR Officer with 10 years' experience, specialising in Employee Relations." If you include subjective adjectives, like "well organised" or "effective communicator", to describe yourself, make sure you back them up with evidence of how you've used these skills in your previous roles, later on in your CV, as they can be over-used and meaningless!
You can also state the kind of position in which you are interested e.g. "Web developer with 5 years' experience and knowledge of C+, Java and PHP, looking for a new role in a medium to large team, with people management responsibilities". However, unless you have really specific requirements, avoid being too prescriptive , or you may risk ruling yourself out of desirable jobs you hadn't previously considered. Definitely don't put this on a CV sent with an application for a particular job, as you want the recruiter to think you've researched the role and the company and that job is the one you've decided is for you!
QUALIFICATIONS
Only put this section above your employment history if you've got less than 3 years' work experience, or if your qualifications are more relevant to your desired role than your previous jobs; otherwise put your employment history first. Start with your most recent qualification and go back as far as your secondary / high school days. If you have a lot of qualifications and want to save space, you can summarise the earlier ones by stating the number and range of grades attained, rather than listing every subject. You don't need to include years or dates, as these are obvious clues as to your age and probably aren't that relevant - either you have a qualification or you don't!
[NAME OF YOUR POST-GRADUATE EDUCATIONAL ESTABLISHMENT OR PROFESSIONAL BODY]
[Post-graduate / professional qualification] [Subject] [(Grade)]
[NAME OF YOUR UNIVERSITY]
[Degree] [Subject] [Classification]
[NAME OF YOUR FURTHER EDUCATIONAL ESTABLISHMENT / SCHOOL / COLLEGE]
[Qualification e.g. A-level / equivalent] [Subject] [(Grade)]
Repeat for each
[NAME OF YOUR SECONDARY / HIGH SCHOOL]
[GCSE / equivalent] [Subject] [(Grade)]
Repeat for each or:
[X GCSEs / equivalent] [(range of grades achieved)]
PROFESSIONAL HISTORY
Again, start with your most recent role / employer and work backwards. Although putting the exact years between which you held each role may give a clue as to your age, it does allow the recruiter to check for gaps in your employment history and that's often one of the first things for which a recruiter will be on the look-out! It's up to you whether you put exact years (e.g. 2002 - 2007), or just the number of years for which you held each role (e.g. 5 years), but a recruiter will always want to know how much experience you've had, so you should really put one or the other. There's no real need to specify months, unless you were somewhere for less than a year, or on a fixed / short-term contract. If a position was a temporary or fixed term contract, say so, or it might suggest another reason you didn't stay very long!
[YOUR CURRENT OR MOST RECENT EMPLOYER] [Year - Year] or [X years]
[Nature of their business e.g. cosmetics manufacturer]
[Your current or most recent role with that employer] [Year - Year] or [X years]
Give a short description of your role's remit of responsibility and use the SPAR method to State Problems you solved, Actions you took and the (preferably quantifiable) Result you achieved. Pick your example(s) to match the needs of the job for which you are applying. Even if the role you held is completely different from the one for which you're applying, make the most of any transferable skills (e.g. people management, communication, project management, etc.) and demonstrate how you used them. If you have several examples to give, list them in bullet-style but, rather than using the word processing bullet function, put your own '-' at the beginning of each line: it will translate better if your CV's previewed online or downloaded by a recruiter.
Repeat for each employer / role.
If you held several roles with the same employer, list each one separately, especially if they demonstrate that you were promoted quickly or frequently within the organisation.
IT SKILLS
[List all software with which you are familiar and would feel confident using again - 1 per line]
Even if you're not looking for a technical role, many office jobs require knowledge of word processing, presentation and/or email software (e.g. Word, PowerPoint, Outlook, or equivalents). List all applications you've used in the past and would feel confident using again. Don't list anything you can't use, just to get the job! or you'll risk losing face (and even your job!) further down the line. If you really want a job but don't have the desired/required IT skills, consider a learndirect course, buying the necessary package(s) and giving yourself a crash course (many come with good self-help tutorials), or getting a guide-book. If you are going for a technical role, make sure you include all your software, programming skills, etc.. You could also consider mentioning them in your Personal Summary / Key Skills section for good measure.
PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT / TRAINING
[List of courses attended - 1 per line]
This section is for any training courses you've attended in your current or recent previous jobs. Don't list recognised professional qualification or accreditations here though; they should go in your Qualifications and/or Personal Summary sections. This section is more for informal training you may have taken during the course of your career (e.g. communication or presentation skills). A prospective employer will always like to see that you've taken an interest in your previous roles and undergone relevant professional or personal development training to build upon your skills.
AFFILIATIONS
[List your affiliations - 1 per line]
If you have any professional affiliations (e.g. CIPD, ACCA, Mensa, etc.), list them here. If they're really relevant to the role for which you're applying, you should also mention them in your Personal Summary / Key Skills section.
HOBBIES / INTERESTS
[List of your RELEVANT(!) hobbies / interests]
Although I can only speak for myself, I really hate to see this on a CV! Occasionally, if the recruiter has a similar interest to you, it can prove useful common ground, but I personally think it's a bit of a waste of space! I would only bother including this section if you have interests relevant to the job for which you're applying (e.g. genre of films you enjoy, if you're applying for a role in the film industry), or if it shows you are a particularly good, rounded individual (e.g. voluntary work, etc.). Otherwise, you're gambling with the odds that the person reading your CV has similar interests / tastes and it may even count against you! Why give any unnecessary information?!
If a work problem is getting you down, don't suffer in silence! If you feel you are being unfairly treated, you probably are and it's important to know your rights.
In most situations, your first port of call, for all problems in the workplace, should be your immediate line manager. However, if you don't feel comfortable speaking to them, or if your issue relates to your immediate boss, you should still speak up. You can go to your manager's manager, or to your HR adviser. If you don't know who your HR adviser is, you could try looking on your company intranet or organisation chart, or they may be the signatory on letters you've received from HR (e.g. the covering letter with your initial contract of employment, or letters relating to changes in your terms of conditions). Either give them a call, drop them an email, or send them a meeting request, letting them know that you would like a quiet word, in confidence.
If they're unable to help, or you're not satisfied with their response, you can take the matter to your HR Adviser (if you haven't already) and raise a formal grievance. To do this, you should write to your Manager or HR Adviser and ask for a meeting to discuss the issue. You have a right to be accompanied at this meeting, either by a Trade Union representative (if you have one), another colleague, or another suitable person of your choosing. If you're dissatisfied with the outcome of the meeting, you can appeal (again, in writing, to your Manager or HR Adviser) and ask that your case be heard by another (if possible more senior) manager. If you're still not happy, you can take your case to an Employment Tribunal, but you must have tried all of the above first, or they will not hear your case.
If you feel you're being bullied, harassed, or discriminated against at work, you can try to resolve the issue informally, by asking those concerned to stop. It may be that they don't realise the effect their behaviour is having on you. If this doesn't work, or if the harassment is more severe, you should tell your manager, manager's manager, or your HR Adviser as soon as possible. Keep a diary of the dates and times of any incidents and the name(s) of the offender(s). If you have evidence (emails, notes, etc.), keep them and show them to your manager / HR. It is possible your employer will have a harassment / bullying policy and your manager or HR will be able to advise you of the correct course of action, or you may find the policy on your company intranet or employees' handbook.
If you have any employment concerns, the Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service (ACAS) have a really useful site. Their Advice A-Z covers all kinds of employment problems and advises you of your rights. They also issue a number of helpful booklets, which you can download from their site for free.
Unless you're lucky enough to have done a job relevant to your career before or during university, you're probably going to fall into the New Graduate Trap: no-one will employ you because you have no work experience and you can't get any work experience because no-one will employ you. Sound familiar?
Unfortunately, there's no easy way out of The Trap but here are some tips.
1. Make the most of all prior experience you do have. Even working in the same coffee shop every vacation whilst you were at uni shows two very important things: 1) that you have some form of communication and customer service skills and 2) that you are a good worker (and therefore highly employable), if you were asked back every Christmas and Summer holiday for 3 or 4 years. So, no matter what experience you have, make sure you include it on your CV and make something positive out of it.
2. Consider offering yourself for free. Providing you can afford it, this is a good idea, particularly if you have your heart set on working in a particular area. Some employers run summer programmes for graduates, others may offer work experience placements and the rest might just be grateful for an extra pair of hands! So look on a desirable employer's website and/or contact their HR department to find out. You might not be paid for your time but at least it's something to go on your CV and you may even get a permanent (paid) job out of it if you impress them by the end of your stint!
3. Be proactive. Think about employers in your desired location, or organisations in which you are interested. Find their websites and look for a 'careers' or 'jobs' link on their homepage. If neither of these options is immediately apparent, look under 'about us', or something similar. Find out what the organisation's recruitment policy is and see if there are any vacancies listed. If you can't see a vacancy that's right for you and there's nothing to suggest they won't accept speculative CVs, send them your CV and covering letter anyway, stating the kind of work in which you are interested and asking them to contact you, should something suitable become available. If there's an email address, send your CV via email (the body of your email will be your covering letter), or post your CV and covering letter to their head office, marked for the attention of their HR (Recruitment) Department. See the CV Help tab for advice on your CV and covering letter.
4. Use 3rd parties. As well as the high-street agencies, there are online agencies and websites that can help you in your job search (see the Job-hunting Tips tab for more advice). Ask friends for recommendations and look for agencies that specialise in graduate employment or your area of interest. Submit your CV and state clearly the kind of work in which you're interested. Remember, you don't have to take everything they offer you, but if you're too choosy you might not get much work! Consider temporary as well as permanent work. A temporary position will get you valuable work experience and allows you the flexibility to leave if you don't like it but, if you do end up liking it, there might be the option to stay and take a permanent position.
Job-hunting itself can be a full-time job! If you're really keen to find a new role, you should take the TinyTotty Multi-Pronged Approach, to ensure you're aware of and have exposure to as many different opportunities as possible.
1. Look around. Although many recruiters now advertise their roles online or through recruitment agencies, some still place job ads in the local and national press. If you're looking for a job locally, it's worth trying the local newspapers and if it's a public sector job you're after, many national newspapers feature public sector vacancies on a particular day each week, so keep a look out. If you don't want to be buying every paper every day/week, your local library should have copies you can browse for free.
2. Ask around. If you have a particular company in mind, check their website, give them a call, or send in a speculative CV and a covering letter, stating the kind of work you'd like and why you think you'd be suitable. If you know people already working for a company in which you're interested, ask them if there are any vacancies. Many employers offer a 'bounty' or reward (usually up to £1,000) to their existing employees, for referring a successful candidate because it saves them hundreds of pounds in recruitment costs, so it could be a win-win situation for you and a friend!
3. Look online. An ever increasing majority of employers now advertise their jobs online. It's probably the quickest and easiest way to access hundreds, or maybe even thousands, of job opportunities. Totaljobs.com has a wide variety of jobs nationwide and you can register, upload your CV and apply for jobs for free.
4. Set up online job searches and let them job-hunt for you! Many jobs sites allow you to save a few sets of job search criteria, so use them. Make a list of words you'd like to have in your job title (e.g. HR, Analyst, Sales, Engineer, etc.). Then think about your target salary, but be realistic! If it's your first job, you'll be going in at entry level, so don't expect more than £15,000 per annum. If you're a graduate, you've a right to expect more, but many employers will want experience (see the Graduates tab!), so you may have to start at entry level and prove yourself, to get pay-rises. If you have regular outgoings (mortgage, rent, loans, bills, etc.), draw up a budget and work out the minimum salary you could afford to live on. By widening your search to include your lowest acceptable salary, you won't risk missing out on finding out about a great job, just because it's a "K" (£1,000) or 2 lower than you'd like and you can always negotiate! Finally, think about location. Work out what your travel expenses would be to work locally, or within a 10 or 25 mile radius. Then create your job searches. List your desired job title keywords in the Keyword field, select a location and specify a radius. Then, in the salary field, enter the amount that incorporates your salary needs and the corresponding travel expenses. Do this a few times, either with different search radii and salaries, or different keywords (if you're interested in more than 1 type of job) and save your searches. Most job sites will email you every day / week with details of all the vacancies they have that match your search criteria. It will save you a lot of time trawling through every site!
5. Get headhunted! If you register a 'public' profile and CV on a jobs site, it can be accessed by thousands of recruiters and prospective employers every day. Recruitment consultants have monthly targets, so they frantically search through every jobs site going to find suitable candidates for their clients. If your CV is good and contains keywords relevant to your desired role or industry (see my CV Help and CV Template tabs), you will appear daily in recruiters' search results. As many recruiters only search on CVs uploaded within the past 7 days, make sure you refresh your CV (update or re-upload it to the job site) at least once a week to make sure it gets maximum exposure! Be prepared for lots of phone-calls and emails though. Recruitment consultants are always keen to find candidates and may not always call with the most suitable opportunities for you. On the other hand, you can always politely decline the job they're trying to sell you and explain your actual job requirements. You're then "on their books" and they may call you with more suitable roles in the future.
6. Use agencies. If you're looking for an office, call-centre or administrative job, the High Street agencies (Brook Street, Reed, Manpower, etc.) are worth using. Take a walk in your local town centre or Google "employment agencies [your desired location]" and you should find a few. If you're looking for a more specific role, you should register with agencies that specialise in your desired field. Google "employment agencies [your industry or sector and/or desired location]" to find them. Your CV won't be exposed to the same variety and volume of potential employers as online, but many smaller companies don't yet advertise online, so it's worth a shot to cover all bases, especially if you want a local job. There's certainly nothing to lose by registering with an employment agency, as it's illegal for them to charge you to register, or to be placed in a job (they make their money by charging the employers with which they place recruits); nor can they prevent you from working through or for another agency or employer and you can request to be taken "off their books" at any time.
Help and advice for consumers coming soon...
TinyTotty's tips on exercise and maintaining a healthy diet coming soon...
TinyTotty's favourite recipes coming soon...
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Weddings |
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Organisng a wedding can be very exciting... but it can also be a little scary at times!
I think the toughest thing is knowing where to start. Although magazines can be very helpful, they're often a little 'out of touch' with the real world and forget that not all brides-to-be are marrying rich footballers!
So, here are my suggestions, hints, tips and advice for planning the perfect day. The tabs above go through each of the critical wedding-planning activities in the order in which I think makes the most logical sense, but don't worry if you haven't done one of them yet, or if you want to do things slightly differently. Remember, it's your day and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
If you have a specific problem, or need some help on something not covered here, please drop me an email via the Ask TinyTotty tab and I'll do my best to help you out.
Good luck!
If you haven't already, the first thing you should do is to choose and book a venue.
If you have a particular place in mind, you may need to book early, or be flexible about the date of your wedding, as some places get booked up one or even two years in advance! The venue will also have an impact on how many people you invite and possibly the style and format of your whole day, so it's a pretty crucial element.
Here are some questions to think about to get you started:
Once you've answered these questions, you should be able to have a look around (or online) for a venue (or venues!) that meet your needs. Make a shortlist and if possible visit your top 3-5. If you're looking to get married abroad, or far from where you live, you may not be able to physically go to each potential venue, but try to find out as much as you can from the venue owners/organisers and look online for information and reviews from other couples.
When making your visits, or getting information about each venue, think about the style of the place and whether it will suit the kind of day you want, in terms of the degree of formality, space, layout and atmosphere. You should also ask about the venue's licences. The place where you have the ceremony itself will obviously need to be licenced to hold marriage ceremonies, but you may also want your reception venue to have an entertainments licence for music and dancing and for the sale and consumption of alcohol! Don't take anything for granted and always ask. If the venue doesn't have the licences you need, it could leave a fairly major hole in your day and it can take a lot of time and money to get the required licences, even if the venue is prepared to consider getting them.
Also, think about your guests travel and accommodation arrangements. Is the venue easily accessible via road / public transport? Do you have any guests that may have additional accessibility needs, such as wheelchair access? Does the venue itself offer accommodation, or is there a hotel near-by? Many hotels will offer discounts for block bookings, so it may be worth reserving a few rooms for people you think are likely to need somewhere to stay, up-front and sending the details of the hotel out with your save-the-date cards or invitations. You can always cancel them nearer the time, once you have final numbers. Some reception venues also include the Bride & Groom's first-night accommodation in the price of the reception, or at least give a discount. There might be a swanky 'honeymoon suite' available, so it's worth making enquiries!
Finally, if you want to have a meal at your reception venue, here are a few additional questions you may want to ask:
Once you've done the necessary research around each venue, you might already have a pretty clear 'winner' in mind. However, if you don't, you should make a list of the positive and negative points about each one to help you decide. If you really can't make up your mind, you can always ask friends and relatives for their opinions. They may have thought of things you haven't, or be able to help you prioritise your 'pros' and 'cons' for each place.
Once you have a date, it's a good idea to book the professionals and suppliers you'll need on the day. Booking early will ensure you have the most choice and will enable you to shop around for quality and value.
Here are some of the main things you should consider:
Look online, on internet wedding forums, in your local telephone directory and ask friends, relatives, or other couples who have recently married, for recommendations of professionals / suppliers in your area.
Make sure all your professionals and suppliers are flexible enough to let you have what you want and don't let them push you into anything you don't, just because it's "what they normally do". Ask to see photographers', videographers' and florists' portfolios and if possible ask for reviews or references from previous clients. Beauticians and hairdressers should also be able to provide photographs of their prior work. Ideally, choose beauticians and hairdressers that can come to your house and that have experience of doing work for weddings - it will save a lot of stress on the day! Most hairdressers and beauticians will do a trial a few weeks before the Big Day, to enable you to decide what you want (and don't want!) well in advance.
In my experience, it's well worth considering semi-professionals. Many beauticians, hairdressers, photographers, florists, DJs and even bands do what they do as a hobby, rather than their main source of income. This has some advantages, as they may be more flexible, less expensive and probably more passionate about what they do. How many people do you know that enjoy their day job as much as their hobbies? Just make sure they've got lots of experience at what they do and come with good recommendations!
Once you've booked the venue and all the professionals and suppliers to make your day go smoothly, the next think you will need to think about is what the Bridal Party will wear.
The Bride
If you're really unsure where to start, try a few wedding magazines for inspiration and think about styles and colours that you do and don't like. Cut out examples and stick them in a scrap-book, so you will have an easy reference guide when you go shopping and it'll make a great reminder, in years to come, of the fun you had choosing your outfit!
Don't forget to consider the season in which you're planning on getting married. You don't want to be freezing in those outdoor photographs but you also don't want to be too hot inside your venue(s), so if you're having a winter wedding, consider an outer layer, like a shrug or glamorous cape that you can take off if you get warm indoors.
Then, contact local wedding shops and make appointments to go and try stuff on! There's really no substitute for trying outfits on yourself and styles you may not have previously considered might look better on than you thought they would, so start with styles you think you'll like, but don't be afraid to be adventurous! Also, don't think you're being a pain by asking to try on tens of outfits in one shop! You (hopefully) only get to do this thing once, so make the most of it and try on as many as you need to get a good idea of what you want. Hardly any Bride-to-be makes a decision on their first visit to a shop, so the staff won't be expecting you to make a purchase there and then. Even if you think you've found "The Dress", don't make a snap decision - go away, think about it and try on some alternatives, to make sure you're making the right choice. Don't let pushy assistants bully you into something you don't want: it's one of the biggest decisions about the day that you will make and their 'formulas' about which styles suit which heights and builds don't take into account the look that YOU want. If (like me) you want a full, puffy skirt, even though it's as wide as you are tall, you go for it! If you love what you're wearing, you'll have more confidence and feel more at ease on the day and really happy when you look back at your photos.
Don't rule out getting something made to measure because you think it's more expensive. Many bridal shops have high tailoring fees and know that, once you've chosen and paid a deposit for your perfect outfit, you'll pay anything to have it made perfect for you. Unless you're of average height and build, you may need a lot of alterations, so it may be cheaper to start from scratch! If you do decide to have something made, ask to see samnples of dressmakers' work: check seams and little details like quality of stitching and that zips match the garment's colour, before deciding on a seamstress.
Whether you buy 'off-the rack' or have something made, book in fittings at appropriate intervals before your Big Day, including a final fitting not more than 2 weeks beforehand. If you're getting bridesmaids' outfits from the same place, arrange fittings at times they will be available and make sure they keep the dates free!
The Bridesmaids / Female Attendants
Once you know the colour and style of outfit you want, you can start thinking about your Bridesmaids and/or other female attendants. Obviously, the colour they wear musn't clash with yours and it'll need to go with your overall colour scheme (you may even want it to be one of your main colours). The age of your bridesmaids and your relationship with them will probably dictate whether they choose what they wear or you do. If you intend on paying for their clothes, it's probably fair you have a bit more say but if you want them to pay, they'll probably want to choose something they can wear again. Also, it's worth remembering you don't have to buy your female attendants' clothes from a bridal shop. Many High Street shops (Monsoon, CC, M&S) and department stores (Debennhams, BHS, etc.) stock gorgeous outfits for formal occasions at semi-reasonable prices and will almost certainly be cheaper than a wedding specialist. You may want your attendants' outfits to have a similar style to yours, or you may want to have them wear something completely different - it's entirely up to you!
Shoes
You'll probably be on your feet most of the day so, above all else, make sure you get shoes you'll still be able to walk in after hours of photographs, dancing and mingling at your reception. Don't rely on being able to "wear them in" because you're unlikely to want to risk damaging them or getting them dirty by wearing them around town beforehand! Also, although it's tempting to over-spend on shoes, I know several Brides that spent a fortune on new Jimmy Choos for their Big Day, only for them to never see the light of day under their long skirt or dress! If your feet will be on show on the day, by all means splash the cash on some gorgeous (but foot-friendly!) footwear; otherwise I would recommend a pair of pumps or ballet shoes! No-one will notice if you're wearing a full skirt and your feet will thank you for it. Many shoe stockists can dye fabric shoes to a colour of your choice if you give them a sample or swatch. This may be particularly useful if you or your attendants will be wearing a specific, hard-to-get shade. If you're buying the outfits 'off-the-rack' and can't give them a sample of the material itself, some tops, skirts and dresses come with those extra straps of material that you use to hang them on coathangers and they're often the same colour and/or material as the garment itself, so snip them out and hand them over!
Your 'Going-Away' Outfit
You don't have to have a second outfit in which you leave for your Honeymoon. Let's face it, you'll probably end up spending so much on your clothing for the ceremony that you'll understandably want to get your money's worth! However, if you do want to change, or if you'll be staying over at a hotel and want something nice to wear to Breakfast the next day, go for it! Again, High Street shops will probably be cheaper than bridal shops, but shop around for what you want.
The Groomsmen
The male members of the party (Groom, Fathers of the Bride and Groom, Best Man, and Ushers) usually all wear the same style of outfit, with the Groom having an extra flourish or two (e.g. a different buttonhole), to make him stand out. You'll probably want the colours to comply with the overall colour scheme and match, or at least complement, the female attendants' outfits. It can be very expensive to buy suits and the guys are unlikely to use them again, so it's probably best to hire. It's fairly easy to find suit-hire shops in your local High Street, on the internet or in your local telephone directory. The Father of the Bride can play an important role in helping the lads choose their attire, as he may be one of the few guests outside of the Bride's immediate party, to know what colour and style the Bride will be wearing; so he can be entrusted to mitigate against 'clashes' between the Bride and Groom!
Mothers!
Last, but by no means least, don't forget the Mums! Not only must their outfits also match the colour scheme, but they mustn't clash with each other, or the photos won't look good! Take them shopping together or, if this sounds like too much of a nightmare, have a word with each of them and try to establish the colour each is thinking of wearing. Work with your future spouse to make sure there are no clashes and that they haven't chosen the exact same outfit!
Your wedding stationery will say a lot about your wedding well before the day itself. It should incorporate the colour scheme and reflect the level of formality you want for your day.
Here are some hints and tips to help you along the way, from your save-the-date cards and invitations, right through to your reception.
Save-the-date cards
If you're getting married during the summer months, or around Christmas or Easter, it's a good idea to forewarn people of your wedding date well in advance. Would-be guests will be disappointed if they have to miss your wedding because it clashes with a holiday they've already booked and you'll be upset if people you really want there can't make it. The best way of solving this problem is to send 'save-the-date' cards out, between 6 months and a year before your Big Day; you can then follow them up with 'official' invitations nearer the time. If you're having a summer wedding and have decided on a date by the Christmas beforehand, you can even save yourself some postage by putting your save-the-date notes in with your Christmas cards! Just make sure you finalise the guest-list first, as people will be confused and offended if they receive a save-the-date card but don't get an official invitation!! The cards can be quite small and very simple. All they need to say is something like:
We [or your and your partner's names] should be grateful / appreciate it if you could save the date for our wedding
on [date] at [time] at [ceremony venue]
and afterwards at [reception venue].
[Your and your partner's names, if you haven't given them already]
Formal invitations to follow.
You can also include telephone numbers of near-by hotels (especially if you have pre-arranged a block booking), to enable your guests to book early, if you wish, or you can save this kind of detail for the formal invitation inserts. The above format also solves a potential problem, if you haven't yet finalised the guest list for the meal immediately after your ceremony. Providing everyone's invited to the ceremony and you're having the meal and evening reception in the same place, all guests will be invited to the ceremony and reception venue at some point, so there's no need to worry or make 2 sets of cards!
Invitations
All your stationery should ideally match your colour scheme. The invitations in particular set the tone for the day and often help guests decide what to wear! If you're planning on having a dressy, formal 'do', the style of your invitations should correspond. On the other hand, if your day is to be less formal, tone your invitations accordingly, so that guests less in-the-know about your arrangements don't turn up over-dressed. Look online for different options and latest conventions for setting out, wording and addressing your invitations. I found blissfuldesigns.co.uk to be a really useful site.
Whether you're using save-the-date cards or not, you should probably send your invitations out about 3 months before your wedding. If you have used save-the-date cards, it makes sure people haven't forgotten and if you haven't, it gives guests sufficient notice to clear their diaries! If you're having your ceremony on a week-day, most of your guests will probably need to book time off work, so make sure you give them plenty of notice.
It can be useful to provide a paper insert with your invitations, giving basic information, such as:
They're small pieces of information but they can avoid misunderstandings or unpleasant surprises for your guests on the day and will save you, your friends and your relatives from fielding hundreds of questions beforehand!
Sending reply cards with your invitations, rather than simply requesting an RSVP, will make it easier for guests to respond. Awaiting replies is one of the most frustrating parts of planning a wedding because so much depends on numbers, so make it as quick and easy as possible for your guests to reply. Also, consider putting a reply-by date on the reply cards, with a polite suggestion that those that have not replied by the specified date will be assumed not to be attending.
Gift Lists
Don't put your wedding gift list in with your invitations, as some guests will consider it rude or presumptuous, so send it separately! Whilst it can be handy to have a gift list with a specific shop, it does restrict your guests to buying from just one chain and not all your guests might have easy access to a stockist. It may be better to make a list yourself, by copying & pasting pictures of items from a selection of stockists' websites into a Word document. That way, you can send the list out on paper, or as an email attachment. You can always ask a friend or relative to act as gift-list co-ordinator, give out their telephone number and/or email address with your list and ask all guests to contact them before making a purchase, to avoid duplication of gifts! Finally, don't forget to include items to suit a range of budgets, as not everyone will be able to afford that 36" HD LCD TV!
Order of Service
You probably only need an Order of Service if you're having a ceremony with several different parts, or if there will be music to which you'd like your guests to sing along! Some venues may offer to create the Order of Service for you, or to provide the contents electronically, so you or your stationer can print them up. They're normally an A5-sized booklet, with your names, the date and ceremony venue on the front cover and a description of the main parts of your ceremony and the words to any readings, poems, songs or hymns on the inside. Your celebrant should be able to advise you of any copyright notices you need to include, or permissions you have to seek, in order to reproduce any wording, but hymns, songs and poems over 100 years old are exempt!
Reception Stationery
At the reception itself, you will need a few table plans (1 A3 or larger to go on a wall or somwhere your guests can see it and a few A4 ones for your ushers, to help them put people in the right seats!), table names/numbers, and place names. All of these are quite easy to make yourself, or a wedding stationer will be able to make them for you. You can buy a guest-book separately, make your own, or some stationers will include it in your stationery package. All of these things should match your colour scheme and ideally your other stationery.
Favours
Favours are a nice touch but, if you have a lot of guests, you can end up spending a fortune on what is far from the most important aspect of your day! Wedding specialists make a lot of money out of favour boxes, so look online for non-wedding companies that can provide you with a bulk order of suitable small containers that you can decorate with confetti or tissue paper yourselves. You can then get sweets or chocolates of your choosing to go inside! Remember, some people are allergic to nuts, so although sugared almonds are traditional, they might not be suitable for all your guests. Alternatively, you could try companies that make small personalised trinkets, such as keyrings or pens and get something incorporating your names and the date as a memento for each guest. Or, if you're not having too many guests and you're creating your own music playlist for the reception, you could make up some CDs containing your playlist, or selected songs from it. That way, all your guests will have a permanent reminder of the sound-track to your wedding!
Do-it-Yourself
Consider doing your stationery yourself, rather than using a professional stationer. If you have a good quality, reliable printer, an easy-to-use graphics package and a touch of creativity, you could save yourself a lot of money and can 'play around' with designs until you get the look you want. Just make sure you check and double-check all the details before printing off 1000 copies, as you won't get any refunds on the ink and paper you've used, if you've made errors and have to re-print! If possible, buy the envelopes and card / paper for your invitations, reply cards, place-names, table plan, table names/numbers and maybe even your guest book at the same time. This will avoid running the risk of finding out your supplier has stopped stocking what you need, in the colour you need it, at the last minute! Alternatively, a good compromise is to buy do-it-yourself kits, which come with all the card, paper and envelopes you need to make your own stationery, but you have to put it together and personalise it with your and your guests' names, yourself.
If you're having a ring or rings made, make sure you order them well in advance. Ask your jeweller how much notice they need and allow extra time in case you need to have them re-sized. If you're adjusting or engraving a ready-made ring, you should still allow at least 8 weeks to make sure it will be ready in time.
Here are some more of TinyTotty's tips
It's traditional for the Bride to receive a ring from the Groom but it's up to both of you to decide whether or not the Groom should have one too. If he does have one, it can match the Bride's, or be completely different. Again, it's your call!
The Bride's wedding ring normally goes underneath her engagement ring. If the engagement ring is of a bespoke shape, chances are the wedding ring will need to be too and it's likely to have to be made to measure, so allow plenty of time. Getting the wedding ring from the same jeweller as the engagement ring is a good idea if you can, especially if they designed the engagement ring - they may even have kept your size and the correct shape on file, which will make things easier.
Often, the Bride's engagement and wedding rings will be the same metal and colour but they don't have to be. Russian wedding rings, for example, are 2 rings interlinked and are often of 2 different colours.
Something you may not have considered, if you're the Bride, is that you will probably be wearing your engagement ring on the day but your wedding ring somehow has to magically appear underneath it! Unless you or your future Husband have amazing powers, the best thing to avoid a lot of fumbling at the altar, is to put your engagement ring on the ring-finger of your right hand before the ceremony. Your Fiancé can then slip your shiny new wedding ring on the ring-finger of your left hand during the ceremony and you can do a swift change-over just before you walk back down the aisle (or equivalent), to get your engagement ring back on your left hand, atop your wedding ring, before you have your photographs taken! It might be worth appointing a female attendant to do a double-check as you leave the ceremony venue because you'll feel silly if you don't have your engagement ring on the correct hand in the pics!
The majority of couples will have some flowers involved in their wedding day. It's traditional for the Bride and female attendants to carry a bouquet each (younger bridesmaids or flower girls sometimes carry baskets or posies) and the Groom and male members of the wedding party (Best Man, Ushers and Fathers of the Bride and Groom) have a flower head (often a rose or carnation) in a button-hole near the top of their jackets, with the Groom's being slightly different to make him stand out.
You may also want to consider having floral decorations to brighten up your venue(s) and 'make them yours' for the day.
Here are some things you might want to think about:
It makes sense to choose the Bride's bouquet first, as all the other flowers can then be chosen to complement it.
Firstly, think about your colour scheme. You will probably want to have the main colours represented in your flowers, with some other complementary colours thrown in.
Go back through your wedding magazines and cut out pictures of all the flowers you like.
Visit reputable local florists and ask them about cost and availability of the flowers you like at the time of your wedding. Take your pictures with you, especially if you're not sure of the flowers' names! Seasonal availability and price will probably narrow your original list down to a few types and colours, but if you still have too many on your wish-list, you may have to whittle it down to your favourite 3-5.
Ask florists to tell you the shapes, sizes and approximate cost of the bouquets they offer for weddings. Your bridesmaids or other female attendants can have smaller versions of your own, or something slightly different - it's up to you. Don't forget that the colours in the bouquets mustn't clash with your own or your bridal party's attire!
Pick out a carnation, rose, or other flower from your bouquet that would lend itself well to going through the boys' button-holes. The Groom can have the same flower but in a different colour, 2-3 flower-heads of the same type, or the same flower but with another, different flower, to make him stand out.
As well has having button-holes for the Groom's party, you may want to consider getting more button-holes, corsages or brooches made up, for the Ushers to hand out to your guests at the entrance to your ceremony venue. If everyone is wearing the same flower, it can look very effective in the photographs. You could even have 2 different colours: one for guests on the Groom's side and one for guests on the Bride's! It's not so easy to do this if you have a lot of mutual friends though and it could be a problem if one of the colours really doesn't go with what the guest is wearing - so go for something fairly neutral!
Ask your celebrant or ceremony venue organiser what their policy is on flowers. If there's more than one ceremony taking place at your venue that day, it's unlikely you'll be able to decorate the venue before your ceremony and get the decorations down again in time for the next! Many Churches have their own florist, who goes in on a Saturday morning and hangs flowers ready for the day's weddings and leaves them there for the Sunday services the next day, so you may not have much say in the flowers at your ceremony. However, you can ask if a guest or family member can customise any existing displays with little touches of your own, just so long as they don't take more than 5 minutes or so to put up and take down. Something simple, such as bows on the end of the pews to match your colour scheme, or an arrangement to go on the table in the Register Office, could work well.
Marquees, conference rooms and halls can be very bland, so you will probably want to brighten up your reception venue with flowers that match your bouquet and overall colour scheme to 'make it yours'. If you have a large, bare room or marquee to decorate, balloons have a much larger presence and may be cheaper than flowers. Ask florists if they can also provide and arrange balloons, or considering hiring a separate balloonist.
When looking for a florist, make sure they're prepared to take your flowers to all the relevant places on the day: your and your female attendants' bouquets will need to be delivered to wherever you're getting ready, the buttonholes will need to go to the Groom's party, Best Man, Dads and Ushers and the venue(s) flowers will need to be delivered and arranged on the day. While you're getting ready, put the flowers in the fridge to keep them fresh and appoint an attendant or put a note on the door to make sure you don't forget to take them with you!
Ask florists if they have experience of decorating your venue(s). If they haven't, ask them to go there with you prior to your wedding day, to discuss ideas and decide what you want to go where. If they are familiar with your venue(s), make sure they're clear about what *you* want. They may have some good suggestions if they've worked there before, but don't let them push you into doing their standard arrangements and displays if you're not happy with them.
Finally, shop around and ask for quotes. Tell them exactly what you want before asking for a quote, to ensure that you're comparing like with like. Some florists will tell you their set prices for bouquets of given shapes and sizes but may add in extra, 'hidden' charges later on, if you ask for a particular flower or colour. It can be worth looking away from the High Street. Florists with large shop-fronts will have higher overheads and will probably charge more if they're part of a recognised chain; whereas a smaller, independent or home-based florist will probably source their flowers from the same wholesaler or market but charge a lot less, so look around online, in the Yellow Pages, or ask friends and relatives for recommendations.
The "Wedding Breakfast" or meal you have after your ceremony can be one of the most expensive aspects of your day. Yet it isn't (or shouldn't be) the one your guests will remember the most, so there's no need to go overboard.
Here are TinyTotty's top tips:
Ask your venue for their menu options and/or if you can enlist an outside caterer. If you have either option available to you, work out which one works best for you, in terms of value for money and getting what you want.
Think about what you can realistically afford and be prepared for a trade-off. Would you prefer to offer a select few a 5-course banquet of delicacies, or be able to invite more of your nearest and dearest to a good quality but simpler 2 or 3-course meal or buffet? It's your decision and don't let anyone try and tell you otherwise!
A buffet is a good way to save money on catering, without compromising on the quality or variety of food. It also caters for a wide range of tastes and dietary requirements, whilst ensuring everyone gets as much as they want and avoiding unnecessary wastage! It's a bit of a win-win option. The only situations in which it might be unsuitable are if you have a lot of elderly / infirm guests, who might be unable to get up and get their food, or if you're inviting a lot of children, in which case you could be risking a food fight! However, you can always appoint a friend or relative to get infirm guests' or children's meals for them, so they don't have to get up. Finally, if you suspect a guest or two of being a little on the greedy side, make sure they don't get to go up for their food first, to ensure there's plenty left for everyone else!
If you can, get a friend or relative to make your wedding cake as their wedding present to you. It will save a lot of money and they will probably be thrilled to be asked to contribute to your Big Day! Also, think about whether you really need a desert course, as well as your cake. Many people won't have room for both, so maybe offer a cheeseboard as an alternative for those with allergies, or that don't have a sweet tooth.
Don't forget about special dietary needs. If you have close friends or relatives that are vegetarians or have food-allergies, they'll really appreciate it if you think about them up-front and make sure there are options available for them. Also, don't forget to mention on your wedding invitation inserts if any dietary needs will already be catered for, or if people should contact you or your caterers in advance if they have any particular concerns.
Once everything is booked, you've sent out the invitations and got back your RSVPs, you can set about finalising the details for your day.
Here is TinyTotty's checklist:
Table Plan
As soon as you know who will be coming to your Wedding Breakfast, you can start your table plan. If you find working with paper cut-outs of people's names a nightmare, look online for packages that can help you. I found Sandals Wedding Planner Software really useful.
Mixing people from different friends and family groups is a nice idea but it can be a huge strain on your more timid guests, who would probably feel much more comfortable at least initially sitting with people they know. They can always circulate more after the meal if they wish. If you have a few people that don't 'naturally' fit on any particular table, put them with people of a similar age or social group - chances are they'll have something in common.
Check with other relatives for any issues you might not be aware of that might mean people shouldn't be sat near each other. You don't want any family feuds raising their ugly heads and ruining your day!
Confirm Final Numbers
Inform your venue, caterer and chair hire supplier (if applicable) of the final numbers. You don't want to be paying for people that won't be there!
Check in with all your suppliers and professionals
About a month before the Big Day, call round all of your suppliers and professionals to confirm the arrangements. If everything's ok, it will put your mind at rest but if there is a problem there might still be time to do something about it, or at least get used to the idea, rather than be faced with any nasty surprises on the big day.
Practice makes perfect
Have a trial-run with your hairdresser and make-up artist 2 weeks to a month before the wedding, to make sure you have the look you want.
If possible, in the week before your wedding, have a rehearsal at your ceremony venue with your male and female attendants and any witnesses. Find out who should stand where when and get an idea of the order of events, to minimise prompting on the day.
Check with the Groom, Father of the Bride and Best Man that their speeches are in order and ready to go. Consider asking them to run through them together to make sure there aren't any overlaps in material.
Thank-you presents
It's usual for the Bride to give a little something to her female attendants the morning before the ceremony and likewise the Groom to give something to his Best Man and Ushers. Buying bridesmaids matching jewellery that will go with their outfits on the day can be a nice idea, as they will look great in the photos and can be kept a permanent memento of your day. You can find thank-you cards for your attendants in the wedding section of most card shops.
Your parents will probably have contributed heavily (financially or otherwise!) to your day, so get something for them too. You can often hide such presents under the Top Table and ask your bridesmaids to present the Dads' gifts and the Best Man to present the Mums' with theirs, at the end of the Groom's speech.
The groom should thank all the attendants, plus anyone else who's really helped your day go smoothly, in his speech. He should end his speech with a toast to the female attendants.
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